Thanks

I have always questioned how I am. How am I as a friend, how am I as a boyfriend, how am I as a son, etc. But, I finally know who an I.

I am a friend who breaks friendships between two other friends.
I am a boyfriend who is so cheesy that I am a joke.
I am a son who builds his parents up to lead them to disappointment.

I've always wondered how to change myself. Always. But now, I know how I can change myself. I'll build my parents up even more, so I can finally see a smile of contentment when I perform. I will make even closer friendships so I make sure that I don't lose friends again and I'll also mind my own business this time.

But what about me as a boyfriend?

Oh yea. I changed.
Thanks. For changing me. Thanks for taking that cheesy guy out back and shoot him in the head. He's not there anymore. Thanks for making him feel like he was a joke every time he said something that was one sided. I'm not bitter or mad. But its that I don't love you and its not because I an resentful. I am not. Thanks, because you taught me one thing that I couldn't teach myself.

Thanks for letting me love myself. So now, I'm not that cheesy guy with you anymore. Why? Because I don't need to be cheesy to make you love me and make myself feel like someone loves me. I'm not the cheesy guy anymore because you made me realize that loving myself is better than trying to get someone else to love me.

Thanks for that.

The last forever?

I do not know if I will have the time to keep posting, as I will become busy with trying to study and fit in. But nevertheless, this blog has been a personal diary of some sorts. I share my deepest thoughts and insecurities here. 

Even if the occasional reader had no clue as to what I was speaking about or feel the same way as I did, you made me feel not alone. I know people dismiss us, saying we are adolescents and it will all be okay, and soon we turn 18 or 19 and forget how it was like being 15 or 16. Our faulty memories become reminiscences and all of our selfies become ancient photographs.We will become the parent to a child and the grandparent to theirs and we will fade away, just as plain memories. But, right now, this isn't a memory. This is happening.

This is happening and I am thinking about her and she seems so beautiful. I felt the moment, when you're not a sad and helpless story any more, 
This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story, you peer out of the window with a smile and look at the cars whiz you by, the trees dancing to the rhythm of the wind. You go to your terrace and see the cars illuminate the highway, the cars fill the void with a cacophony of sound and everything that makes you wonder happening around you.

Then you listen to that song, the one you heard with the people you loved the most in the world.

And in this moment, I swear, you are infinite.