I'm really dried up creatively.. I don't know what to write about and even if I do know, I can't form it in words. Why I been left so dumbfounded by my own thoughts and emotions?
I hate living a lie. I hate it. But everything I am, I am pretending to be is a lie. I'm trying my best to show people I have a normal happy exterior when I feel absolutely broken? When I feel like my life isn't my own and my rebellious, I don't care attitude that I used to pride myself upon is gone. I feel like everything is crumbling around me, my nightmares aren't getting any better and what's worse is, I have no one to tell.
Actually, I do. But why do I hesitate? Why don't I want to tell people about this? There come moments when you should ask for help. But who'll take me seriously xD?
Our parents and teachers will dismiss it as adolescent troubles, which they are, but don't they get that someone needs help while going through this? There generation didn't need it but with social media and constant interaction with people, things tend to get worse. My friends? Well, there is a story that I'll tell you some other day, but I have no intention to ruin all my friendships and be viewed as someone who just needs help..
At night when I lie down to sleep... It's such a terrifying experience. The nightmares and doubts, they flood my mind and my body shuts down. I try my best to stay up, but my body shuts down.
Sometimes, you just need a hug. Sometimes, you just need reassurance and sometimes you need to be honest about what you want. And all I want right now is to end stuff with someone. It's a phase, I have faced it before, but sometimes I really hope that she wants to end it as well... So I can leave scot free and escape this 'lie'.
I hate living a lie. I hate it. But everything I am, I am pretending to be is a lie. I'm trying my best to show people I have a normal happy exterior when I feel absolutely broken? When I feel like my life isn't my own and my rebellious, I don't care attitude that I used to pride myself upon is gone. I feel like everything is crumbling around me, my nightmares aren't getting any better and what's worse is, I have no one to tell.
Actually, I do. But why do I hesitate? Why don't I want to tell people about this? There come moments when you should ask for help. But who'll take me seriously xD?
Our parents and teachers will dismiss it as adolescent troubles, which they are, but don't they get that someone needs help while going through this? There generation didn't need it but with social media and constant interaction with people, things tend to get worse. My friends? Well, there is a story that I'll tell you some other day, but I have no intention to ruin all my friendships and be viewed as someone who just needs help..
At night when I lie down to sleep... It's such a terrifying experience. The nightmares and doubts, they flood my mind and my body shuts down. I try my best to stay up, but my body shuts down.
Sometimes, you just need a hug. Sometimes, you just need reassurance and sometimes you need to be honest about what you want. And all I want right now is to end stuff with someone. It's a phase, I have faced it before, but sometimes I really hope that she wants to end it as well... So I can leave scot free and escape this 'lie'.
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